Yesterday, I couldn’t choose between going to see the lilacs, or visiting the Rosey Tree. At first, I drove out to Rosey Tree, pulling up against the curb where Farm and Fleet’s driveway t-bones into the wild, neglected parcel she shares with huge arbor vitae, 2 enormous ash trees and an abandoned orchard. I sat in the car, waiting to get out – but I didn’t. Rosey Tree is maybe 50 paces from the driveway, through long grass and broken asphalt – but it is a long walk to a surprisingly isolated place. It scares me to go there alone.
I watched a blue bird skimming from the giant ash tree to the scrub and back, muscling against a gusting wind that lay the grasses almost flat. There were people nearby – a dozen cars passed me while I debated with my fear. But taking pictures is an activity that isn’t compatible with cautious awareness. I can’t help it. After the last 6 months, I just want safety.
After about 10 minutes admiring Rosey Tree from afar, I turned and headed toward the lilacs. I decided I can’t let Rosey Tree haunt me. If I feel ok being there, I’ll go back. I loved seeing the bluebird though. And the lilacs are beyond belief.