I don’t want to waste this visit with you, but somedays I just need to give myself something pretty to look at. Straight up.
If I won’t believe in silver linings, how can I re-frame the ongoing failures and discouragements that keep slamming into me? Well, silver linings are for clouds, and clouds are just too far away to reach. Here on earth, the only thing that helps me understand is connection. Remembering I am not alone in these feelings. Remembering that patience with this experience might somehow help someone else. And I do wish I had some more entertaining way for you to know me than through the sadness and hurt I feel at the relentless cold shoulder I encounter as I search for work and some basic stability – but at present I don’t.
On the other hand, it is only human to want to feel better, and that is connection, too. Comfort is harder for me to give myself – but then it helps to remember that you want comfort too. And I also remember how much I want to find the pretty pictures for both of us.