This change – whatever I do to respond to it – is upending my life. The impact is just beginning to swell against the hard edges of dollars and sense. Because to be a single, middle aged woman without career or financial achievement is to know how flimsy the guardrails are. The margins of my day to day were so, so thin and I lived within them by the grace of eggs and cheese and coffee with cream – and being a housemate.
I can’t live like that anymore, and I am too mad to go down a road that only leads to more waiting. There is no getting away from the heart-palpitating truth that these ends will not meet. But it feels like there is nothing else to do, except risk what I have to keep moving forward, and hope the ancestors can see a path that has not become clear to me yet.
Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts as you negotiate this new time in your life! The flowers are lovely!
This is so full of strength! Full of poetry, beauty and resolve. . .brava. Love you dearly.