Well, I am just especially thankful for every listening ear that has even tried to understand. I didn’t realize until lately how much I wasn’t telling – because I didn’t know myself how much I had turned away from the life inside. And I don’t try to tell everyone. And I have told a few people and it wasn’t for them – and really, that’s fine. I’ve been in those shoes, too.
My heart still feels broken, and I think it will have to mend into a different shape – a shape it didn’t have before I tumbled into love and kept falling. That sadness is so deep, and very, very old. Much older than me. Older even than Marv and Barbara. I doubt I will ever know where it started.
And yet, how can I even say how fortunate I feel? To know that beyond this loneliness, a web of loving voices – connected and strong – knows the way I am, already. To have the winter light, and roses to give it form and purpose. To search for a way the unknown heart can begin her life anew.