I’m just very sad, you see. Everything is okay, except for all the scary things I can’t do anything about. I suppose those worries have me tied up in knots somehow, but that is where denial comes in handy. Not that you aren’t affected by the monsters looming in the everyday. You are, of course. But you believe your own pretending – so that’s alright. You can keep going in your lopsided, circuitous way, wearing avoidance-colored glasses.
But this loneliness is a silence that’s been there a very, very long time. And for a minute, I really thought I heard a voice, another voice – so close, I felt the breath warm my ear and send goose bumps through every limb. I was wrong, as it happens – but the echo is like a sonar that has detected the depth of the silence that was there all along. Which is something I have to reckon on my own – a fact that in itself reflects the situation I’m in.
So, Flowers on Sunday – I’m just very sad, you see.