From the world of a friend whose genius is to make something with nothing.
Category Archives: life through the lens
Britishlandia
Angie Kaspar’s worn-out dictionary sacrificed itself today in service of my HeartWords project. It took a scalpel, and 2 hours to disassemble it. I can only say that I hope everyone I know and love is driving a car that is at least as well made as this old book.
Words always do something unpredictable and wondrous when they bump into each other outside the usual linguistic playground, but unearthing a page headed “cup of tea” and “curry” is more than a happy accident. Clearly, it was intended as a gift for certain people I know who have the Anglophilia real bad.
Well, my loves, I can’t fly you to a destination in the Realm, but I can give you a foolproof way to conjure Britannia. When no one is looking, wink your cheekiest wink, and say the magic words: cup of tea and curry! Your imagination will do the rest.
Rosa Lavandula “Downtain”
Why do I keep thinking there is someplace better to go, when I am free as free can be to travel to this country, where paintings bloom in all manner of ways, and no matter what disappointments lurk, something magical always, always happens to me?
PS: It’s not your eyes, the blog looks different. It might look different-er tomorrow! It just depends on how much coffee I drink after 5pm…
Apart at the Seems
The seams wear out in places, but more often it’s the fabric that gives in, surrendering to the abrasion of dust, and wringers, and most of all the chemistry of sunlight and wind penetrating where the eye doesn’t see.
Decoration Day
With love from your little peony.
It’s Mother’s Day
A Poem for Mother’s Day Titled Oh, Honey, B.
Thee offered me a rose, and free;
The rose was offered, thee to me,
But scorned it me
So harsh to thee,
Blinded so, with Me
Not Thee;
And now, I cry.
Forgive me, Thee
I know what it was sent to be;
But you are gone.
Forgive me, Thee.
I know now
what was meant,
and see.
And You, and you
are Rose and Free.
Forgive me, Thee.
Forgive me, Me.
Rosebud
There is an abandoned apple orchard on the road into Verona, on the grounds of the old County Home, which was razed last fall. About a dozen trees linger there, covered in gypsy moth tents, each sprinkled with only as many blooms as serves its own inscrutable purposes; apples for apples-sake. The contractor’s mobile office is parked at the edge of the first row, overseeing the construction of someplace newer, cleaner, saner.
Up the crumbling asphalt path, a ways behind the orchard, the bird songs are plentiful and varied. Here is the edge of the prairie preserve; unquestionably the air belongs to them. If you follow this path a little further, you emerge back in civilization, at the driveway of Farm and Fleet, heralded by a distant loudspeaker calling the team roster at the softball park across 4 busy lanes.
Stranded among the bird song, beyond the fruit tree sanctuary, something was growing I had never seen before: a rosebud tree.
Imagine that.
Looking Up
Walking under the branches of this tree today reminded me how seldom I look up at the underneath of things, now that I am all grown up. It was so cozy and wondrous, and soothing, to see the world from below for a while, and have something taller than me taking care of all that tall people stuff.
I felt the need for some shelter today. This is where I found it.
A Prayer for Brenna Meany (and a very long post, indeed)
After finishing my morning due diligence yesterday, filling my etsy store with chotchkes (not latkes), I found myself anxiously avoiding the decision of what to do with my afternoon. Since I have so many competing aspirations (if not inspirations), the pressure to make the right decision is often uncomfortable enough to drive me to paralysis. “What to do? What to do?”
Cleverly, I thought, “Oh, I will have a meditation break and investigate this a little,” and plopped me down on the $1 shabby rose needlepoint foot-stool which serves as my meditation bench. And there, dear friends, I proceeded to tumble very close to the edge of the Cliffs of What The Hell? For it turned out that this superficially modest sense of uncertainty was a secret tunnel to the Lair of a Very Large Dragon, who guards my anxiety about earning a living. Recently, I’d thought he and I were better friends, but he must have gotten a new fuel delivery yesterday, because the blast of fear and judgement he sent my way singed my new mindful-super-hero cape. Just in the nick of time, I heard myself say, “Brenna, open your eyes.” And here I was, back in my own Backyard.
Where did the dragon fuel come from? The book I’ve been reading was, I think, making me too vulnerable; so I’ve put it away and I’ll stick with my other practices. We don’t have to be super brave to win; outwitting depression and anxiety is a long con, after all. The main virtue is to stay in the game. One practice in this book, though, did unhinge me in just the right way, and my heart dictated these words to me this morning, in safety, encapsulating what I needed to know. I hope I can remember it all:
letting go of suffering, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of fear, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of judgement, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of separation, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of aversion, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of knowing, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of attachment, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of the future, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of the past, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of security, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of my schedule, I allow kindness to emerge;
letting go of letting go, I allow kindness to emerge.
If one is feeling more positively minded, one could also say:
trusting in happiness, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in peace, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in oneness, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in patience, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in the present moment, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in clear seeing, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in clear listening, i allow kindness to emerge;
trusting in lovingkindness, i allow kindness to emerge
trusting in trust, i allow kindness to emerge.
Normally, I don’t like praying because it validates the concept of a withholding Universe that seems implausible to me. The Universe is certainly unfair and unjust, but withholding? That’s for human beings. Hence, I am not asking, I am telling. Why should we have to beg for qualities such as trust, patience, clear seeing, lovingkindness, which are free for the taking?
And so, this morning, I decided that I can, and I will.
Magnitude of Pink
Pretty happy about this picture. Pretty happy about the pinkness. Pretty!
what is beautiful remains 